Wrapping up

2009 will be coming to a close within the next few hours, and I am OK with that. Overall this has been a very difficult year, and I'm hoping that 2010 will be, well, different. Here are some of the highlights, both good and hard, from this past year.

This year I:

1. Moved away from family and AZ for the first time

2. Gave up a job I truly loved (I actually couldn't wait to go to work each day)

3. Moved out of our first home and gave it up for a renter to use (and treat well we hope!)

4. Started taking more classes for my endorsements in WA (I have now taken over 100 credits, equivalent to a PhD, since finishing my undergrad degree in 2003. )

5. Began new fertility treatments to expand our family.

6. Lived at 4 different addresses.

7. Started a new job in West Seattle

8. Visited Orcas Island, Milwaukee, Salt Lake City, and Boise (some on the drive up to Seattle)

9. Won an award for teaching in Scottsdale

10. Celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary

11. Traced my family genealogy, in some cases to the 15th generation back!

12. Helped Jon launch one of his first iPhone apps.

13. Experienced seasons.

14. Felt like my faith has been tested and tried more than any other time in my life.

15. Found a new church home at Bethany Community Church.

16. Made new friends in Seattle.

I have lots of hopes and dreams for 2010, and I pray those come true. However, I also pray that I would be open to God's plan and His desires for me. I know that each experience is given to me for a reason, and I hope that I can be open to hearing how God wants to teach me and mold me through each of them.

Fall is here!

I have never really experienced a fall before where things actually happen. The leaves are changing colors in Seattle and it really can be beautiful. Right around our house there are some brilliant red and pink trees, my personal favorites. But a lot continues to change personally as well.

October 3rd we moved from Bellevue to Mercer Island so I could be closer to work. That's right...I live on an island. I never thought I'd actually say that. It is actually nestled between Seattle and Bellevue, and a major freeway goes through the north end of it. Driving on the I-90 you might never know you were on an island, but it's true! So far we really like it. For one, our place faces west which is vital in Seattle. It is also a bit bigger and fits our stuff much better. It also is soooo much closer to work for both of us. Jon is about 10 minutes, and I'm only 20 minutes away. That is a huge improvement from before. Even though it was a pain in the patootee to move again after only 6 months, I really think it will be worth it in the long run.

Things at work are good overall, but definitely very different. Since I am only there part time I am finding it is challenging for there to be any consistency. Teachers, and students, walk off with books, and subsequently the card catalog is NEVER accurate. No wonder over 10% of books are marked as lost at Gatewood. I also have no assistant, so all of the wonderful things I was spoiled with at Copper Ridge (books being checked in, overdue reports ran, processing and cataloging completed of new arrivals, book repair, delivering of library baskets back to classes, checkout to classes, etc) are all done by moi. This in addition to helping staff locate materials on a moments notice, checking out books during my prep time, maintaining the library, and planning/creating lessons. I usually leave exhausted and feeling like there is so much more to still do. What else is new, right? :)

As a new employee I also have the challenge of being accepted and finding my niche. At Copper Ridge I felt like people respected my thoughts because I was a known entity. I had built up trust and rapport over the years so I could be counted on for sound ideas. Here I am having to reinvent myself with EVERYONE. Since I am only part time this is a slow process. Teachers at Gatewood tend to be very friendly, but most eat in their rooms with their teammate, so making connections with staff has also been hard. I crave social interactions with adults after being around little guys all day, and unfortunately that happens none too often.

I am slowly trying to make new friends outside of work as well. We attend three different Bible studies, and I am starting to develop a few relationships that go past the acquaintance level. However, being gone most nights of the week is exhausting so we are considering cutting back on at least one of these commitments.

I finished my UP teaching last week and felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I did not enjoy the experience at all, and needless to say I don't think I will continue to instruct another course anytime soon. Wayyy too many hours invested for too little payoff. At one point Jon said to me he thought I cared more about the students passing than they did. Unfortunately for many I think that might have been the case.

I think that's it for now. Hopefully I'll be better about posting now that I have a bit more free time.

In Seattle

Friday morning was one of those rare occasions where it was raining in Scottsdale.  The clouds were hanging onto the McDowell Mountains and it looked very beautiful, but I just wanted it to be sunny like 'normal.'  I knew I'd be seeing enough rain in the months to come.

Saying goodbye to my parents as we drove away Friday morning from their house was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I kept thinking how I'd miss seeing them because talking on the phone is just not the same.   I was getting sad not only about family, but the really simple things like cactus, street signs, stores we visited...everything that was familiar.  It just felt really final even though I know this move might not be permanent or for FOREVER.  

I think on that first day up I cried once for about every 100 miles we drove.  It was really hard to leave AZ, and as I crossed the border I totally lost it for the next 3o miles into Utah.  I knew as we kept driving north we were going further away from home, and I was powerless to do anything about it.  

Our first night was in Provo, Utah, and we went to Cracker Barrel to get some good comfort food of chicken and dumplings, mac and cheese, and fried apples.  Yum!  There are no Cracker Barrel's in WA, so we had to store up for awhile!  The next morning we went to the Mormon Family History building, and Jon and I spent about 2 hours researching our family's past.  It was really interesting, and I can definitely see spending many more hours there. 

The next day was the shortest of our trip at only 6 hours of driving.  That night was in Boise City, which was much cutier and quainter than I would have ever imagined.  The setting itself wasn't the most gorgeous, but the town had a very nice downtown and we had fun walking around.  

We arrived in Seattle around 4:30 on Sunday, and the weather was very nice.  We unloaded the car and headed over to our new church home, Bethany Community in Greenlake, for a late Sunday service.  The next day we cleaned up the house and had a picnic in a beautiful park and hung out together.  It was a really nice day.

Now the goal of this week is to finish my library class on a strong note, continue working on my Faculty Training course for the University of Phoenix, study for the Elementary Education test for the State of Washington, and try to get our house in living condition.  At this point I am trying to stay busy so I think that at least for this week I have it covered.  I am really trying to just take one day at a time because I think that is all I can, or am supposed to, handle at this point in my life.  I am sure God is teaching me A LOT during this time, and years from now I will be able to see that.    Right not it's just really hard. 

Reflecting...again

Last Tuesday people at work were finally told that I was leaving for good.  I woke up ecstatic because the secret would finally be out.  My principal waited until the very end of the meeting to make the announcement, and I could feel myself getting nervous as the time approached.  People were, as to be expected, shocked to hear I was going.  And even though I had been waiting for this day for months it was very difficult for me.  I reminded me that saying goodbye is not going to be easy.  This is where I started my career, and I have lots of good memories with so many people at Copper Ridge.

Today I officially notified HR I was leaving, too.  I had the letter drafted on Monday and sitting minimized on my desktop for days.  I knew it had to be done, but that too would mean the official termination of my connection with SUSD.  Woah.  I remember thinking about what it would be like to work in Scottsdale and be able to give back to the district I grew up in when I was in school.  I remember looking at the Copper Ridge website from my dorm room and telling me roommate I'd like to work there because it would be neat to help establish traditions at a new school.  Suffice to say leaving my job has a lot tacked onto it. 

Last August I opened a letter I had written to myself five years earlier.  It was shocking how much of my current life was so similar to what I had wanted (married, living in a patio home in Scottsdale, teaching and considering going into the library).   I know....scary.   It got me thinking though that maybe I am taking too much control of my life and not trusting in God enough to lead me in new directions (or I am a prophet, which probably isn't the case).   To have so many of the things happen in exactly the way I wanted was definitely neat, but it has always left me thinking.  

Moving is kinda like that.  I would never have pictured myself in Seattle, but I know deep down it will push me to trust in God in new ways, and I will grow a lot from this process.  Growing is never easy.  I was reading a book today to the kindergartners about a kinder student (who lived on Mars :) ) nervous about going to 1st grade.  I asked the students who was nervous about 1st grade, and over a majority admitted to being a "little scared."  I of course told them that anything new is scary, but I knew they would do great.  Trigger the huge music cue.  I SHOULD TAKE MY OWN ADVICE.  Granted, moving 1,000 miles from home and away from family and friends and without a job is scarier than changing grades, but there is some similarity in the situations.   

This post is starting to mirror the teeter totter that is my life lately (up and down, up and down), so I think I'll end it on the up note.  

The nitty gritty

I just returned this afternoon from another trip up to the Pacific Northwest.  This was a short one (less than 72 hours), and I am still getting used to the fact the overcast weather.  We awoke Saturday morning to snow.  Our condo is on a hill called Cougar Mountain, and apparently that little elevation change greatly changes the type of precipitation you receive.  Brrrr!!!!

We did find a renter, and she moved in last week.  This has been a great relief for EVERYONE; my parents don't have to keep running down there to show it when I'm out of town (because most calls come on the weekend) and we can have some income coming in for the place.   The lady renting seems nice, and she has two children.  I got the chance to pray with her after we met for the first time and gave her the keys.  She is going through a lot in her life right now, too, and I was encouraged by our first meeting.  

Today I start my first library class, so I will be doing homework for the next two months (make that years-this is the first of many).  Actually, just writing that makes me feel really depressed.  Our first assignment is a book talk (we actually have to do a total of eight of them).  I do these EVERY DAY.  Ughh!  When will people understand that I already HAVE this job in AZ and KNOW HOW TO DO IT.  Just because I am wanting this job in a new state doesn't mean I become stupid and forget how!!!     This is so frustrating.   Jon is trying to help me see the positive.  By doing these classes I will max out the horizontal movement payscale for teachers, but that gives me little consulation right now.  I also know some of these classes might help me improve my professional knowledge base, but unless I have a media specialist job in Seattle my motivation is very little and extremely low.  

We booked Jon's final flight down to Phoenix to pick me up before driving up to Seattle Memorial Day weekend.   It seemed so final.  I mean I know this decision was made in December (the 14th to be exact), but just the thought of driving away from my parent's driveway and by our (old) subdivision for the last time for months on end gets me teary eyed.   

My coping mechanism for much of this is to push these types of thoughts into the back of my head.    I have become very good at this.  I do this whenever I leave the airport in Seattle and see Jon drive away, or when my parents drop me off at the airport in Phoenix and I fly away from home.  I do this when I think about the economy and what it has done to the price of our house in Scottsdale or the realistic chances of me finding a library job.  

I struggle with the fact that I have the opportunity and need to be a Light to believers, and more importantly, unbelievers around me watching me go through this transition.  I feel like I am struggling and failing with this lately as I let worry and doubt constantly creep in.  Marie is so wise and told me that God has not forgotten what to do with me (or our situation) during this move.  God has planned everything out.  This plan just feels so hard and confusing.   Oh Lord, give me faith! 

Double life

I love traveling, but I think I should start to add the caveat that I love traveling with people.  It's hard going on your own.  For little ol' me I have six thing I am responsible for before heading through security: my carry on suitcase, my black computer bag, my laptop that has to be removed from the bag, my belt has to be taken off, and my shoes and liquids under 4 oz have to be taken out.  It's a lot to even write about let alone try to remember it all.  Plus, when you are by yourself it's a pain and a half to go to the bathroom before you take off.  Seriously.  You have to drag everything with you into the stall because you have no one to watch it for you at the gate.  But mostly it's the pits because it's very lonely.  Even if they would pay me a six figure salary to travel around the country teaching kids-which let's face it no one does that- I wouldn't be happy living this nomadic lifestyle.

I feel like I'm living two lives at the moment, especially since only 3 people at work know I am leaving in less than two months.  I have this whole, HUGE aspect of my life which I am not at liberty to discuss or share.  Plus, I am trying to balance my life between two homes.  My Phoenix home is familiar and friendly.  It's (almost) always sunny and it's comforting and safe.  My family is there, and I am blessed to have such a great support system in them.  When I leave this city and them I feel sad, but at the same time I am so super excited to be seeing Jon in a few hours.   Then we have my new "adopted" city.  Seattle.  It has snow caped peaks, huge evergreen trees, seasons!, and it forces me outside of my comfort zone (which is good and bad).  This city allows me and Jon to make new friends together and, if I really desire, to completely reinvent myself.  

But let's be honest-the rest draw it has is my wonderful husband.  When I a with him it almost feels like Seattle could be home.  I know I am not the first person to move away from their hometown.  I keep telling myself that this is not that big of a deal and it will grow me closer to God and my husband.  But I am a creature of habit, and change is not easy for someone like me.  I also know God is faithful and God may well use this opportunity to prune me.  It's just hard to realize all of this in the midst of the transition.  

The More Things Change...

I have gotten myself into a routine in Scottsdale which is helping me get through this time.  Going to work keeps me busy, having my parents around to talk to is comforting, and "seeing" Jon on Skype or IChat has now become the norm for our communication.  I have to keep going and stay busy because when I slow down I stop to think and I get freaked out.

Now I know in my head that I'm not supposed to worry.  Jesus is pretty clear about that, and I also realize that it changes nothing and 95% of what we worry about never really happens, everything works out in the end, and blah, blah, BLAH.  I am trying not to worry-really I am-but it's in my nature and a struggle for me.  

I think at this point if we could find a renter for our place in Scottsdale I'd feel better about our situation.  I just don't get it.  Everyone who comes loves our place, but no one is "biting."  We had one guy stay for 30 minutes and I was sure he was going to rent our place, but he never contacted us again.  It's not the end of the month and we have no takers.  Chances are most people are looking to start their contract at the first of the month, and we don't have anyone yet.  Urghh!  I know God is in control, but if He could let me in on the reason why we are struggling finding someone that would be great.  

I still haven't heard back from the state of WA as to the status of my certificate application.  I mailed everything in 2 months ago, so I am hoping that I will hear something, anything, soon.  I still have to take their versions of the tests I have passed in AZ, and the sooner I can get those done with the better I will feel.  WA is changing their testing requirements late this summer and it sounds those pesky exams are getting harder, so the sooner I know about what I need to do from the state of WA the better.  

I went to a new Bible study on Wednesday and was asked what they could pray for.  I feel so overwhelmed when people ask me that lately.  Usually I have one specific thing I would like prayer for-maybe two.  But lately it's like, "Is praying for EVERYTHING too much to ask?"  I can only remember one other time in my life where I have felt so little control of what was going on-when I graduated from college I had trouble finding a job, Marie was moving away to France, my Mom was (incorrectly) diagnosed with kidney cancer, and I was struggling with my 'gift of singleness.'   Now 5 1/2 years later it's funny that the specifics of the prayer have changed, the prayers are very similar in nature: I would like to find another job I love in Seattle, I am moving away from my family and friends, I am dealing with some health issues, and coping with being away from my wonderful husband (plus the whole house situation previously mentioned).  :)   

Looking back on that time years ago I can see how everything worked out, and that does give me solace.  It's still just not easy.   Transition and change is hard.  I know that.  I also know that I can do this kicking and screaming, or with a smile on my face.  I am working on the smile and the optimistic attitude.   But prayers would be must appreciated.  

First Seattle trip

I write this from Seattle, the first trip of many over the next few months before I move up here permanently.  Jon started at Amazon on Monday, and I will be here until Monday because of the long three day President's weekend.   Unfortunately I can't post about this on Twitter or Facebook because my principal doesn't want anyone at work to know.  (This is a whole different story!).  So, only you blog followers will be getting any kind of update on our moving status over the next month (at least!).

This past week was very hard without Jon, and leaving him off at Sky Harbor was pretty excruciating.  On Saturday and Sunday my goal was to stay busy and be in denial about what was happening.  With the dawn of the work week school obviously kept me busy, especially after taking an entire week off the week before to prepare for the move.  I got to talk to Jon on the phone/using the computer cam every night.  This was an improvement from just the phone long distance relationship which we perfected five years ago (geez, has it been that long!?)

So far Jon seems to be enjoying work at Amazon.  He is staying busy, working long days getting used to his new position and new city.  I have been researching apartments/homes to rent and on Sunday we will be going out with an area specialist to get oriented with the city.   I also stepped out of my comfort zone and learned how to ride the bus in order to get to Jon's downtown office and then walked around downtown and went shopping for about two hours.  

Seattle seems very different from Phoenix.  Obviously the weather is a change, and although it is overcast the clouds are high enough that some light from the sun still filters in.  It is very cold though, and I am looking forward to having a 'real' winter jacket to help keep me warm (not to mention ear muffs, scarf, hat, and better gloves).   It will be fun to find some cute winter stuff to add to my current wardrobe.  

The downtown here, where our corporate apartment is, is like night and day from Phoenix.  Downtown Seattle is bustling, huge, and full of people.  There is an International District, which is basically a Chinese shopping area, many department stores and malls, and tons of public transportation which people actually use. :)

I kinda wonder how long it will take before I can call Seattle home.  I know I need to make that my mindset, but right now it still feels very temporary.  Will the key be when we move into our new place with our furniture and pictures on the walls, when we start making new friends here, when we find fellowship with a church, when I find a job...?   

Please pray that we would find renters for our Phoenix home quickly, that we would choose a good place in Seattle to start putting down roots, a good Biblically based church, and a job for me.  

Venting

Somehow it seems like I'm in the wrong profession.  Forget the lack of money, parents who think they know how to teach just because they have been in a school before, or the NCLB rigamaroll.  I am sick of tired of teaching standards and certification that is not consistent between states.

In the state of AZ I am certified to teach the K-8 Elementary Education, K-12 Library, K-12 Gifted, K-12 ESL, and 7-8th grade language arts and social studies.  These endorsements are based off of tests I have passed as well as countless hours of education I have taken (at current count I have a bachelor's in education, two master's degrees, and a few other classes thrown in for good measure).    In total I have 90 hours above my bacherlor's degree, thousands of dollars spent and hours wasted.  That's right...according to the state of WA my degrees are meaningless and worthless.  They only want to give me credit for my bachelor's degree.  

I didn't realize that once I cross state lines my brain is erased and I can't remember how to be a teacher in subjects I have taught.  Perhaps if I had won awards in teaching they would think I was more competent in these subjects? 

 Oh wait, I have won TWO different awards for my teaching ability (Middle Level Educator of the Year and Scottsdale Charros Teacher Award).  

Maybe it was that my test scores weren't high.  Oh, that's right.  On the AIMS test my kiddos were the only ones in the state who all passed the AIMS 6th grade writing test and my scores were always amongst the top in the state in reading as well.   

Well, what could the possible reason be?  Is it that every state wants me to give them more money by pouring cash into their educational system to take classes I have already passed and tests I have already taken to prove-once again-that I am a competent individual?  No, that couldn't be it because we all know that just because you can pass a test doesn't mean you are a good teacher.   There has to be a better reason.  

I probably won't be able to figure it out because I must only understand how kid's (and lawmakers) brains work in AZ.  

A huge change

It is official today at 5:45 PM Arizona time.  We are moving to Seattle.  Jon accepted a job with Amazon and two months from today he will be up in Seattle working.  I will finish out my school year here and move up in May.  The details are sketchy beyond that right now, but needless to say we are excited, worried, nervous....too many more emotions to count.

It seems like God has closed doors here in Phoenix for Jon for finding new work and opened up new ones for us in Washington.  I know over the next five months I will experience a plethora of feelings about leaving my home, family, job I love, and experiencing a whole new life, but ultimately I know that God is with us in either place and that He is good.  I know that He will be faithful and not leave us.  I recognize that I will need to depend on God more in these upcoming months than perhaps I have ever in the past.  This will be a huge leap of faith, and your prayers for us would be more than appreciated.  

I'll keep you posted as I know more.  For your Facebook followers-PLEASE do not post anything about this on my wall.  No one at Jon or my work knows yet and we need to approach telling people delicately.  

Thanks for your prayers.