A similar perspective

I was reading another blog of a sister I "met" through Hannah's Prayer, a Christian community for women struggling with infertility. She posted a quote from Laura Bush that I thought was beautiful. I didn't realize that the former first family struggled with trying to conceive a baby, and the thoughts she has wrote do a very good job of describing a small part of the journey.

"But each milestone came and went. The calendar advanced, and there was no baby. The English language lacks the words "to mourn an absence." For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child, or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only "I am sorry for your loss." But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"
- Laura Bush

I especially responded to the first sentence. This birthday was a difficult milestone in my life. It wasn't so much my biological clock telling me I'm too old, because I'm not, but it registered with me that I didn't anticipate being 29 and without kids. When I thought about what I wanted to do and where I'd be, that was never part of the plan. And yes, it is all God's plan anyway, but I felt like He would have granted this miracle by now in my life.

This is a hard thing for me to fully understand and grasp. And something I will probably never understand in this lifetime.

Infertility ABCs

Over the past two plus years I have become very familiar with terminology I never knew existed. Thus the inspiration for the Infertility ABCs. These are just some of the words that have become a part of my everyday vocabulary. It is when I think about stuff like this I realize how much this has become a part of who I am and how my life has fundamentally changed due to this struggle to have a child.

A- Anovuilation, androgens, acupuncture

B- Basal Body Temperature, BFN (big fat negative), baseline ultrasound

C-Cervical Mucus, Clomid

E- Endometrium

F- Follicle size, FSH (follicle stimulating hormone)

G- Glucose Tolerance Test

H- HSG, HCG shot

I- IUI, IVF, insulin resistance

L- LH (Leteinizing hormone), Luteal Phase, Letrozole

M- Metformin

O- OPK (ovulation predictor kit), ovarian cysts

P- PI (primary infertility), Progesterone, PCOS

R- RE (reproductive endocrinologist)

S- Sonohystogram, SA (semen analysis)

T- TTC (trying to conceive), TWW (two week wait)

U- Uterus

V- Vaginal ultrasound

W- WNT (within normal limits)

A good reminder

I was talking with a good friend yesterday who reminded me of a wonderful song which I had unfortunately forgotten about. It speaks to where I am at right now. I hope is blesses you.

God's Country

Since moving away from Arizona I have begun spreading the rumor that Arizona is God's Country. Just recently I was trying to convince a volunteer at my school library with the facts.

*Arizona has no natural disasters. That's right..no volcanoes (which they have in WA), earthquakes (ditto in WA), tornadoes, hurricanes, or flooding. Now I know some of you might say, "Kortney, there is indeed flooding in AZ." That is true, but I have never seen a flood destroy entire neighborhoods or people rowing boats down a street. Our floods go in flood zones 'cause we are in God's country. ;)

*Arizona has the Grand Canyon. It's a wonder of the world. Enough said.

*Arizona has Monument Valley, Sedona, Karchner Caverns, Canyon de Chelly...the list goes on and on. So many b

eautiful wonders, and many you can only find in Arizona.

*Arizona has so many varied climates: desert, pine forests, shrublands, woodlands, grasslands. It's almost as if God decided to put a potpourri of flavors in Arizona.

*Arizona has the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen. Almost every night God takes out His paintbrush!

I bought a book called "Arizona On My Mind" so I could get a glimpse of God's Country when I got homesick. One of my favorite quotes in the book is by former Senator Barry Goldwater.

"I noticed immediately a more bracing quality in the air; a clearer, bluer sky, a more buoyant note in the song of the birds, a snap and a sparkle in the air that only Arizona has, and I said to myself, without reference to a map, that we were now HOME."

If you have any more ideas about why AZ is God's country please post them in the comments area! And for my few Seattlite readers, if you haven't been to AZ then you should go! :) You'll love it!